Why Winning Isn’t Everything
Now let me be clear...
I believe your human nature is to win.
To get there first, mark your territory.
Win. At all costs.
It’s embedded in your DNA to explore and conquer.
And if you played sports, you know this urge all too well: the need to dominate; to crush your opponent; to uphold rivalries; to create enemies; to see red on the playing field.
And then... after the game, you' shake hands with those enemies.
Congratulate one another, win or lose. And don’t be a sore loser… nobody liked those guys/girls.
And I gotta say... this was always a confusing concept to me and my teammates.
The pervading question we had was:
Am I here to WIN? Or am I here to make friends?
And it’s a complicated question!
Let’s take a deeper look…
Because you’ll be surprised that you actually don’t have to choose.
Let’s list some of the main reasons why “win culture” can turn out toxic:
1. ‘Win Culture’ fuels judgement
Everyone’s heard the old adage, “you’re either first or you’re last.” And while we all know Ricky Bobby was satire and a joke, every athlete has had this thought run through their mind.
But of course, if we all judged ourselves this way, we’d have millions of losers. And this sort of thinking stems from a right/wrong mentality - a judgement mentality based on a binary framework. But the world is not 100% binary. Almost everything exists on a spectrum. And there are NO absolutes. No one is perfect.
Perfection is a myth. Prove me wrong.
So instead of binary right/wrong or winning/losing mentality, I invite you to think in terms of whether you’re being effective or ineffective
(NYT Best Selling Author and Ret. Navy SEAL Jocko Willink ascribes to this concept, saying there are no bad teams, only ineffective leaders)
Through this lens, the focus is on two things: excellence and consistent improvement (otherwise known as Kaizen).
The most effective athletes live by these rules:
it’s not about winning or losing, but the process to get there.
comparison loses games; stay in your lane.
2. ‘Win Culture’ mistakes victory for happiness.
I’ve worked with countless guys that were All-Americans, bowl champions, early round draft picks, and school record holders. And practically NONE of them felt proud on the podium.
Instead, they felt empty. Like they had all this hype built up on how they’d feel when they got there. Like they’d finally get that chip on their shoulder affirmed. But all the while, they had no affirmative reason why they wanted to win.
TONS of athletes fall into this trap of “achieving” to feel happy.
And so in their life beyond sports, they focus on doing, achieving, progressing… without a clear reason WHY they’re working so hard. And they end up burning out, quick.
When truly, sports are there to train you to “embrace the suck” and crave the uncomfortable nature of life. The best athletes don’t sacrifice happiness for a goal.
The happiest athletes beyond sports always:
find joy in the process, not the destination
embrace sacrifice and find flow in the discomfort
3. ‘Win Culture’ PRODUCES unnecessary costs
Everybody remembers the athletes that would put others down on their way to the top. And the myth that “it’s lonely at the top” is fueled by these kinds of athletes.
It’s the same in the real world: the ego-centric ones that give up their time, energy, and money in order to “look good” and win. They end up going it alone, resisting support, and smearing the competition. They leave a trail of destruction in their past. The “losers” in some cases get buried, and what could have been a formidable entity is wasted, completely.
Truth be told, when the world fights over resources or opportunities, many fruits are lost in the fight, often unintended costs to humanity.
The most efficient leaders in life:
prioritize efficiency over ego
build others up; a rising tide lifts all ships
4. ‘WIN CULTURE’ PRAISES A ‘scarcity’ mindset
While most athletes won’t want to admit it, possibly the biggest collateral damage in win culture is the harm to one’s ability to love. And be loved.
Many athletes create real-life relationships, romantic or platonic, that are transactional in nature. They focus on, “what can I get from this person?”
When relationships are focused on transactions, scarcity sets in. This is where guilt, shame, and debt come into play (three of the most loaded words in our vocabulary).
Pat Ryan, the founder and CEO of Aon Corporation, often says…
“When you spend your life handing out lettuce, it always comes back to you in sandwiches.”
The most successful athletes know:
Love is the real currency.
When you give generously, you receive unexpectedly
The real winner: conscious competition
Now let’s give you something to focus on moving forward.
I want to talk about the concept of a “win-win”
A WIN-WIN scenario is where all parties involved are able to grow and benefit.
Even better, the world is a better place for it (we call that a win-win-win*)
A friend from my men’s group created a term to describe this concept: “conscious competition.” To him, it means to be in competition with ones’ self at all times. No one else.
When we can do this, we completely reverse all 4 of the toxic winning traits:
“Judgement” turns into, “Was I effective or ineffective at getting me closer to my goals?”
“Win for happiness” turns into, “Celebrate the small wins along the way”
“Unnecessary waste” turns into, “What will make me better, and the world better?”
“What’s in it for me?” turns into, “What can I give?”
The win-win is a major lesson in leadership for us all - especially athletes as they take on their next arena of life. Win-win opportunities is what our world needs most. And I believe athletes are best equipped to find them.
The win-win FTW! 💪🏼🔥
I’ll leave you with this: